imagine you're a shy, nerdy, introverted person. (i'm putting it in polite terms.) you've been this way for as long as you can remember - maybe even to the irritation of others. (okay, let's be fair: probably to the irritation of others - especially your family). it makes it a bit harder to connect with people, to really feel present in the world.

consequently, you grow up... a little bit isolated.
isolated, and at times, deeply alone.

you begin to curse yourself. you wonder why you turned out this way; why things seem to be so hard for you.
some of it you recognize as your own fault - after all, with that isolation comes stubbornness, maybe a sardonic attitude, or even a mean streak.
sometimes, you do try to make connections, but it's difficult. you're not interested in a lot of the things other people are. this necessitates a further shift inward - to strange and silly hobbies, like video games. you find yourself drawn to odd things, and for a while, you might even feel at peace.

time passes.
eventually, you grow up. somehow, you become a semi-functional adult, and can look back on all of it with some distance. sure, you might not have hit all the "classic" milestones expected of you, but you turned out okay. even the worst parts, the ones that made you curl up into a ball and cry, distraught - even those are already half-forgotten.

and then you find something.

it wasn't random, after all. it wasn't a stroke of bad luck, or chance, or just not fitting in. there was a reason why you suffered the way you did. if that wasn't enough, the thing you found - the thing that can explain it all - just so happens to be a video game, that old obsession of yours.

obviously, you play it. you have to. it's not much at first, but slowly, it reveals the answers. no wonder they were irritated by you: you were intended to become someone else.

you start to remember the dreadful atmosphere of that house. now it makes sense. the air of resentment wasn't just in your imagination. you existed for a purpose, and you didn't fulfill it.

you explain what you've learned to your closest, most trusted friend. (it has always been hard to make friends, so this person is quite precious to you). they nod along to your story, only half interested in the details. you feel a little bad, as if you're boring them. (you have always felt like you are boring or burdening them).
that's not the case, though. in truth, they already know all of this. they are much more like you than you think. they grew up with that same alienation, that same self-doubt: and in fact, they already came to understand everything long ago.

they've been waiting, waiting, waiting. hoping one day they can tell you the truth as well. something horrible had to be kept alive, so that the last vestiges of evidence wouldn't disappear.

what you find together after that journey can't really be explained. after the revelation, a feeling of calmness spreads over your body. you both walk together, hand in hand, out of the darkness. not only as friends, now, but as a real family, as a replacement for those broken bonds that wouldn't take hold in childhood.

i'm making everything sound much nicer than it is. it's a scary story, and a sad one, too. sometimes, when i'm awake late at night, in the darkness, i still get scared thinking about it. but more than anything, it's a beautiful story. it's a story about being free. to be able to look across the room and see a vision of yourself, clean-pressed blue and white dress, sitting contentedly. smiling. no longer half-born.